this is dudical.

Holla! I got supes addicted to Strange Telephone a couple weeks back. If you do not know the game, it’s a dope azz 8-bit styled 2D rpg puzzle type game filled with tons of fuckin weirdness and glitch art and almost no clues. If you do know the game, that’s probably why you are reading this.

The game is pretty tough. I discovered almost everything just by trial and error, and the few times I did search the internet, there is, like, NOTHING. I used all my google tricks, trawled through reddit, even tried translating tweets written in Japanese… there are no gd complete guides anywhere.

Soooo I thought I’d put together the ultimate guide so y’all don’t have to do that. Here’s everything I’ve figured out about the game in detail.

The first thing you should know is that there are 5 different endings, butt that’s kind of misleading because two of the endings are deaths. Anyway you can see which ones you have by looking at which icons are lit up on the homescreen, as you can see in this screengrab. Each of those little icons light up when you’ve achieved that ending. I am going to show you how to get each one.

The second thing is that there are like a billion different worlds. Most are more or less the same but just slightly different looking. I’m using the worlds I found, but the same objectives can be completed on any near-identical cousins. I am also sure there are simpler versions of these numbers that aren’t filled with *s and #s, but these are the ones I found so that’s what I used.

OK THEN@!!, so here’s how to beat everything.

Ending 1 (Far left icon): This is the real, proper way to beat the game. I’ve streamlined it below.

1. Start up a new game.

2. You’ll start in the CORE area where you need you to get through a locked door in front of you to beat the game. First item you want to grab is The Sun Lantern. You pretty much can’t do anything without it. Grab it and turn it on.

3. Dial 69#0*7 and get The Infinite Water Can from the blacksmith dude.

4. Dial 68**0#. There’s a bunch of weird eyeball flowers. The small purple ones you can cut with a hatchet and their eyes turn red. But as far I’ve been able to figure out, this has no effect on anything. Head over to the withered old dying grandma flower on the edge of the screen and water that shit with your baller Infinite Water Can. Hell ya bro its back to life! Also you now have The Blue Flower.

5. Dial 74*0##. Head over to the gravestone and use your Blue Flower. This makes The Moon Rise, which also makes the bamboo in the bamboo level grow.

6. Grab The Hatchet by dialing 600*** and taking it from the flower bro. PS y’all remember that book The Hatchet from high school? Pretty sure I read it like 4 times when I was a kid.

7. Head over to the bamboo level. 477063 will take you there. Use The Hatchet on it. This will give you The Bamboo. Fuck yeah! Now we’re movin’!

8. Now go to 6*9999. The blacksmith has a fire going here. Put The Bamboo in the fire to get The Bamboo Filament.

9. Dial **0#96. This takes you to a room with The Binoculars. Grab them. I have binoculars in my apartment. I use them sometimes to spy on people across the street at the beach.

10. Dial 366988: This takes you to a room with a bunch of bookshelves and a window. Go to the lightbulb and use the badass Bamboo Filament you just forged over a fire like a goddamn boss. This will turn the light on. Now go over to the window and use your binoculars. This gives you The Genesis Rock. Phil Collins represent.

11. Now go to 237*##. You’ll find a weird triangle witch-house lookin dude. He’s lit up because you turned the light on in that room before. Give him The Genesis Rock and you will get The White Key. Sick.

12. Use The White Key on the door in the CORE room, and you are done!

*See the end of this post for how to get the unneeded items if you just want to get everything like the true hoarder we all are.

Ending 2 (Second from left icon): This is the quickest way to beat the game. It takes three steps less than the real way described above. I’ve streamlined it below.

1.. Follow steps 1-5 above. Then:

..6. Now instead of turning on the light we are going to pivot, because we are gonna get into some dark arts mystical deep web shit. Dial **0#96. This takes you to the room with The Binoculars. Grab them.

7. Dial 366988: You are headed to the room with bookshelves and that sweet sweet window. We are leaving the light turned off this time. Now go over to the window and use your Binoculars. This still gives you The Genesis Rock.

8. Now go to 237*##. Our witch-housey triangle homie is darkened now because the light is off. Give him The Genesis Rock and he will hook you up. You got The Black Key bro.

9. Use The Black Key on the door in the CORE room, and you are done!

Ending 3 (The middle): This ending is hard afffff to figure out. I literally had to tweet at the game’s creator for a hint. Here’s what you do.

1.. Follow the first 11 steps of Ending #2. Then do this:

..12. Get your glitch-o-meter to 2.0. You can use 27*553 for 0.3 glitch, and 6#**78 for 0.2 glitch. ****** is 0.1 glitch. Or you can just dial random numbers until you get there.

13. When your glitch meter hits 2.0 open the door in the CORE room with The Black Key. You’ll get The Glitch ending.

Ending 4 (Second from far left icon): This is the first death ending. You’ll get it by accident just figuring out the game, probably.

1. Start up a new game.

2. We are going to just keep wasting away at our glitch-o-meter until we get to maxi glitched™. So just start dialing random numbers and hanging up. (27*553 gives a 0.3 glitch, which is the highest i’ve found, so just dial it a bunch of times.)

3. If you come to the pissed off knife-wielding dude (see below) quickly hang up.

4. At around 4.5-5 on your glitch scale, you die. You’re dead and you have ending 4.

Ending 5 (Far right icon): This is the second death ending. You’ll get it by accident just figuring out the game, probably.

1. Start up a new or saved game.

2. Dial 999999. This takes you straight to a pissed off knife-wielding dude that will kill you. You’re dead and you have ending 5. Well done.

*Note: You will also get him randomly sometimes when your glitch level is higher than 4.

After you beat everything you’ll get a new menu option, Sound, which you can use to listen to all the music in the game. So dope!!

Here’s the list of numbers you can call to get each item in the game, including the ones that aren’t needed to beat it.

1. CORE: The Sun Lantern.

2. **0#96: The Binoculars.

3. 123654: The Categorizer. Note: the clue for this is found when you visit the spermy looking dude, who can be found at 03#2*3. He just says “1..2..3..6…5..4.” In theory The Categorizer can help you find certain types of levels, but I honestly thought it was just easier to dial random numbers.

4. 9994#1: The Infinite Water Can.

5. 2547*0: The Game Console. (Requires using The Letter.)

6. 690*74: The Letter. (Requires trading The Blue Flower.)

7. 477063: The Bamboo. (Requires the moon to be risen–achieved by using The Blue Flower at the gravestone, then using The Hatchet to cut the bamboo.)

8. 6*9999: The Bamboo Filament. (Requires using The Bamboo in the fire.)

9. 600***: The Hatchet.

10. 68**0#: The Blue Flower (Requires using The Infinite Water Can on the withered flower.)

11. 366988: The Genesis Rock (Requires the moon to be risen, and then using The Binoculars to look out the window.)

12. 237*##: The Black Key (Requires the Light on the table to be off and then using The Genesis Rock.)

13. 237*##: The White Key (Requires the Light on the table to be on and then using The Genesis Rock.)

And finally, here’s a list of things that I cannot figure out whether or not they do anything or have any effects. If you’ve found any use for them please comment!

1. The Game Console. It’s the only item in the game that I have not been able to find a single use for. I’ve tried every thing I can think of.

2. In the beginning there is a clue on this screen that lists the number 880813.

This takes you to a tv room with 12 channels. There are 4 types of screens. I have tried all kinds of different things, especially with The Game Console, but have not been able to figure anything out. My guess is that Channel 2 is intended to be a clue on how to beat Ending 3 (I originally thought you had to have the channel set to 2 to beat it that way, but it doesn’t matter) and Channel 9 is a clue on how to beat Ending 1 and 2.

3. And here’s a few random levels with items that seem like they could be part of something, but nothing I’ve tried has done anything:

^There’s a few different paintings that show up from time to time.

That’s all I got y’all! If you know of anything I’ve missed hit a brother up in the comments!